Simple directions to the dress maker…

“Tek a red and white mini-bus to Parade, den walk til yu reach de patty stand  on Bruk-Down carner. Hask de gentleman deh how yu fi reach de lady wha mek de high culcha frock dem.

Him will send yu to Miss Edna (she haf a likkle fry fish shop further down), and is her cousin who live near de street where Maas One-Yeye stop. Is fi him girlfren niece who know de adress of the guy wha live near to de chile wha wok at de butike, and is her bwoyfren wha haf de motor bike.

After yu reach Lik-Me-Down carner, tun right till yu come to de yard wid de four bad mongrel Dawg dem. (Fling stone after dem and dem will run whey).  

Knock pon de winda five time and Miss Eliza will come. (Memba fi keep two stone inna fi yu han case de dawg dem cum back). Miss Liza will tell yu how fi reach de guy wid de motor bike.

Him is a nice bwoy; jus give him a smalls and him will carry yu safe. But hole on tight cause him young and him drive fas'. Him don't haf him licence yet, so if yu see de police dem, jump offa de bike. Him will tek yu to Drop-Dead gully - it not too wide - jus jump ovah and mine yu no bruk yu foot, den tun lef', and yu see de shop.

It easy; yu caan-n-n-n miss it."

 THE WIFE FROM HELL

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, " I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."

The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?"

The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did."

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Damit, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"

The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic fine." The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket."

The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??"

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?"

"Only when he's been drinking."

A contemporary reggae artist, Mutabaruka, reminds us of the pains of slavery in his song

 Remembrance

An afta suh much years
Wi still a cry tears
Fram offa wi foot dem teck de chain
Nowit seem dem pur it pon wi brain
So wi afi remine yuh
Wi afi remine yuh
Bout de rowin of de boat
De bodies dat float
De travel crass de sea
Dat rab wi libatty
Bout de missionary dem
Dem sa dem a wi fren
Who rab wi a wi gold
An’ wealth untld
An’ de pie
In de sky
Afta wi die
Mi afe rimine yuh
Mi she mi afe rimine yuh

Bout de cotton a de cane
Dat wi plant ina rain
An’ de sun ina wi back
De whip dat crack
Bout garvey malcom lumuba an de rest
Woh walk dis lan’ wid a freeman plan
An blood di run
Fewi freedom
An de fire in wi eye
Wen wi si how much die
An de chain roun wi neck
Wi ooman dem teck
An whip whip whip
Mi seh mi afi remine yuh
Mi afi remine yuh

Bout colonial rule
Dat tin wi fool
Usi wi like tool
Meck wi wuck like mule
An dem mash up wi plan
Cause dem neva andastan
Fi dem religion
An de pain
An de chain
Still hang pon wi brain
An de sons that die
Wi still ask why
Mi afi remine yuh
Mi afi remine yuh